Jump the Shark: Off the Top of My Head (SPOILERS) (April 22, 2002) Caution: spoiler for future weeks' eps (based on the trailer) is in the "Etc." section. Caution #2: this is one of those OTTOMH's where I use some, er, language that isn't suitable for the kiddies or for those who are easily offended. In other words, bring your fire extinguisher. JUMP THE SHARK (9ABX15): In a nutshell: The Lone Gunmen all die. That's all you fucking need to know. What I liked: - Some amusing dialogue from Morris Fletcher and the Gunmen and Doggett and Kimmy. But it wasn't anywhere NEAR enough to save this ep. - I originally gave Langly three cheers for his Joey Ramone speech, but I'm taking back a cheer (at least) for how it got turned around to refer to the Gunmen and their "heroic deaths." What I didn't like: - Can I hope that I will NEVER have to hear that annoying guitar music from the Gunmen show again? I really didn't need to be reminded of that awful spinoff. While I ADORE the Gunmen and actually like the Yves and Jimmy characters from that show, the series itself did the Gunmen no favors, and I don't want to be reminded about it. - Gratuitous ass shots. Two. Thanks, guys. I'm sure Britney (the boat bikini bimbo) and Yves appreciated it. - Why did Doggett and Reyes bring Morris Fletcher to the Gunmen's place? That just makes them look like morons. - False hopes. I was praying that the Gunmen's bare lair was suggesting that they were planning their "deaths," but the points about them being flat broke seemed to negate that. (But I'll hold on to the slim hope that even THAT was a big hoax.) - Nice gratuitous chest wound, too. But it looked waaaaay fake. - WHY is Fletcher hanging around the Gunmen's place? Why did Doggett and Reyes leave him there? Why are the Gunmen letting him stay there? Why are they even considering that Morris is telling the truth about Yves' real name? Why, why, why? - Ooooh, so the Gunmen have a SECRET door. ::rolls eyes:: - Why is Jimmy spilling his guts in front of Fletcher? And why are the Gunmen letting him? Why do I need to ask all these questions? - WHY. IS. FLETCHER. BEING. ALLOWED. TO. FUCKING. HANG. AROUND?!? - And why are they all talking about this toxin and the shark cartilage and everything else IN FRONT OF FLETCHER? ARE THESE PEOPLE FUCKING MORONS? - Why did all THREE of the Gunmen need to stand there and die? At least two of them could have gotten out of there if one had to hold Gillnitz back so he didn't escape. And that's if I buy that ANY of them had to die, which I don't. - And what, they didn't have any profound final words? "Tell Mulder/Scully..." or whatever? - Plot Holes R Us: how did Frohike and Yves know that that room was airtight? What WAS that room anyway? Do all buildings have special areas with airtight walls that just drop down out off the ceiling when you pull the fire alarm? - The funeral. What, the Gunmen had no family? NONE at all? - Crappy use of Scully. Blink and you'll miss her, even though this ep should have been a great opportunity to use her medical skills. For instance, why wasn't she called in to at least give her thoughts on the dead guy? Why wasn't she involved when there was a deadly toxin out there? And what little we saw of her at the funeral was a total waste: could her bullshit speech have been any more forced? :-PPPPPPPPPP - Oh, and she was SO broken up over their deaths. I'd like to believe that that means she knows they aren't really dead, but I doubt that that's what 1013 intended. Perhaps she's just blase over death since everyone else on this fucking show comes back from the dead. :-PPPPPPPPPPPPPP - And why the fuck is Fletcher at their funeral? - I mean, aside from the need to set up Scully's asinine comments. - :-PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP What's got me puzzled: - Why was Jimmy there in the hotel room (after the Gunmen found Yves) if he was supposed to be back at the ranch keeping an eye on Fletcher? - Bioluminescence? Where? I don't see any on that dead guy. Do I need to adjust the picture on my TV? - Umm, how did they find out that Gillnitz was at that conference? I mean, why would he be at the conference under that name if he knew people were on his tail? And why run if all he wanted to do was kill all those people at the conference? If he had just stayed there and argued with Yves and the Gunmen, the security guards would have created a logjam and he never would have made it out of the room before 8 p.m. Or even if he had, he wouldn't have gotten far, and they would have all been exposed anyway. Etc.: - I had mixed feelings about the LGM retrospective in the teaser... I really view the XF Gunmen as different creatures than the ones from the Gunmen spinoff, who were more buffoons than the smart-albeit-paranoid geeks that I know and love from TXF. ::sigh:: Oh Gunmen, we hardly knew ye. - I didn't think that my opinion of 1013 could get any lower than it already had, but this ep just... just... grrrrrrrrrrr. What a stupid, fucking, pathetic waste of three fabulous characters. - David Duchovny: please, for the love of God and all that is left that is right about this show: reverse this travesty in the finale. I'm begging you. - I feel like I should really say more, but... I'm not wasting another minute on this slap-in-the-face episode. - Except to say this: Mulder refused to accept that Scully's cancer was a death sentence. I refuse to accept the Gunmen's deaths as canon. - Next weeks' eps: Mulder! Mulder! Mulder! Oh happy day, I saw Mulder again. ::kisses TV screen:: BUT... if they hurt William, I will be SO pissed. Messing around with little babies is just a big ol' ball of wrong, even in the XF universe. ***